Don’t Want To Go To Rehab

If you’re being forced or pushed into going to drug or alcohol treatment by your family, friends, or the court system, then this guide’s for you. We’ll examine rehab related topics and I’ll give you some tips on how to get through. If you want to get help, but just don’t want to go to rehab, there are other alternatives available.

It’s okay if you don’t want to go to rehab or quit now.

I believe in meeting people where they’re at. I don’t advocate drug use, but if you’re not ready or willing to quit yet, that’s just where you’re at. Maybe that will change down the road. Maybe it won’t. Either way, I wish you the best of luck in your journey and hope you stay as safe as possible. I’ve been there and I understand, so I’m not here to convince you to quit. I will advocate that you make the best of your time in the sober world, even if you don’t plan on staying in it. That’s the purpose of this guide.

You may also want to check out the Rehab Survival Guide, which is targeted at people who want to give recovery a shot, but still contains a lot of useful information about selecting a decent rehab and the processes you’ll go through. You can ignore this guide and jump straight to the survival guide if you’re going into this with some desire to stay sober.

Want to get sober without rehab?

There are many options available to get sober without going to an inpatient rehab facility. You can try outpatient rehab services, where you commute there and back. You can try getting a therapist and/or a psychiatrist. On the more extreme side, you can try quitting on your own or tapering down yourself. I have written a separate guide on alternative programs to rehab.

Dealing With Family/Friends

If you’ve been lying to your family/friends or hiding your addiction from them, now could be the time to come clean. You don’t have to tell them everything, but you can at least tell them what you’ve been going through. Perhaps they can offer support.

Often, loved ones can act as a catalyst to change. If you’re going to rehab because of family pressure, an intervention, the threat of a divorce, the threat of getting kicked out of your home, losing your children, or something similar, you’re likely not thrilled at the moment. You may feel stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Nobody Likes Ultimatums

It may seem drastic, but if your family has given you an ultimatum, they’re likely doing it because they care about you and are tired of seeing you in the state you’re currently in. They may be worrying about you constantly and it is negatively affecting their own mental health. Being around people who abuse drugs creates an unhealthy dynamic. You’re not functioning properly and they’ve caught on. For their health and yours, you may need to either commit to going to rehab or leave permanently and do your drugs elsewhere. Look at it from their side. You are not healthy for them or yourself and something has to change.

Almost Nobody Wants To Get Sober At First

The good news is, you don’t have to want to get sober to go to rehab. There’s no long-term commitment required to get in.

It takes most people several tries before they finally come around, so it’s understandable if you don’t really want to change yet. It’s your decision to stay sober or to get high. It doesn’t matter if your parents, family, or friends want you to get sober. They can’t keep you sober. Only you can keep you sober. While it’s healthier to be internally motivated, if they’re what pushes you in the door of rehab for the first time, that’s a start.

Your Life is Your Life

If you decide to skip out on rehab or any effort to get sober in favor of getting drunk or high, that’s your choice. Still, you have to be accountable for your actions if you decide to continue to use. Recognize that there may be severe family-related or legal consequences. Not to mention the possibility of jail, injury to yourself and others, or death. I’m just some guy on the internet, I can’t stop you.

If you really don’t want to go to rehab and don’t want to quit, then don’t. You might tear a giant hole in your relationships, but ultimately you’re the one in control of your life. Get it out of your system and come back when you’re ready to get healthy, if that’s what it takes. Just don’t drag your family and friends down with you.

The better option is probably to appease them and go to rehab. You won’t like it at first, but it’s not as scary as it seems. You’re a capable human being. I’m sure you’ve pulled some wild stunts to get high or drunk. Surely you can handle a few weeks of sobriety. Remember, you can always go back to using when you get out.

I don’t want to seem like I’m attacking you. I’m sure you already get enough of that. Going to rehab may be the best logical option for you at this point.

Pros & Cons of Rehab

Bear with me here, but it might help to look at the specific pros and cons of going to rehab, even if you don’t want to quit. Take a look at the items below and see if there’s anything you can relate to, or anything you can add to the lists. Sometimes writing stuff down like this can help put things into perspective and allow you to make a more calculated, rational decision. In some cases, you may consider the things below in the Pros category to be a Con, or vice versa. For example, I have “Meet new people” listed as a pro to rehab. It wouldn’t surprise me if you’d consider that to be a con. That’s okay too. If you’re hellbent on continuing to use after rehab, a pro might be “learn to hide my drugs better” or “meet new dealers.” I’m not saying those are good ideas, but they’re certainly things to think about. These are just suggestions.

If you’d like, create your own pros and cons list. Be real with your responses and try to look at the pros and cons from an objective viewpoint. Hopefully, the cons of using outweigh the pros, and the pros of going to rehab outweigh the cons. Remember, if you go to rehab, you can always leave early. They don’t lock you in there unless you’re a minor.

Selecting a Rehab

If you’re being forced to go to rehab, you might as well try to find one that’s not a total dump. Maybe you’ll even get something out of it. At the very least, a few weeks away won’t kill you, and you’ll have a lower tolerance, so when you go back to using drugs you can get higher on less, at least for a little while. Call around to a few rehabs and find the one that sounds the nicest. Ask about all the basic stuff, like what their daily schedule looks like, what the living arrangements are like, is the food any good, etc. If you have any friends or family who have been to rehab before, ask them for suggestions and about their experiences.

Some rehabs are basic. You sit in a smelly room all day in the back of an old cheap leased-out complex while some old guy preaches to you about the joys of sobriety, how wonderful the 12-step program is, and how you need to find God to change your life. If you go to one like that, you will probably hate it. If you’re looking for God, maybe give it a shot. I’ll tell you off the bat that most people I talk to hate AA, and I’m personally not a fan.

Other rehabs offer things like equine therapy, culinary classes, art therapy, music therapy, hiking, swimming, and more. While the therapeutic benefits of some of these programs are questionable, if you find one that offers something you like, go for it. If you can think of it, there’s a rehab somewhere that probably has it. There are even rehab programs that let you drink or smoke weed, though those probably won’t be a realistic option for you. Some are built like psych wards and some are built like resorts.

Ultimately, which rehab program you get into depends on your ability to pay, when the rehab has beds available, your health insurance, or whatever state funded options are available. If you’re going to rehab because a court instructed to, you may not have much say in the matter. Ideally, try to find a rehab that offers a lot of elective activities and doesn’t force you to go to a million AA meetings. You’ll be happier there and the time will go by faster. Maybe you can gain a little weight, eat some good food, hit the gym, and meet some cool people. You probably won’t be going to a recovery resort (if you can afford it, by all means go), try to find a good middle ground.

Also, don’t bother bringing in any drugs. They’re going to strip search you and go through all your belongings. It’ll just get wasted. If you have any drugs on you, get your last fix in before you leave (please don’t OD or give them to someone else to OD on) and keep any remaining drugs where they are. You or someone else can worry about dealing with them later.

What To Bring

Make sure you bring your insurance card, ID, and several cartons of cigarettes if you smoke. Most rehabs let you smoke, but check first. Smoking cigarettes is basically everyone’s favorite pastime in rehab.

You can also check out this Rehab Packing List.

Rehab Prep Checklist

File name: prepchecklist.pdf

Author: Kevin\\\\\\\'s Guides

License: CC-BY-SA-4.0

A list of things to review before going to rehab

Download: prepchecklist.pdf

Therapists & Group Dynamics

There’s going to be staff and other patients in Rehab that upset you. The staff may ask you to do things you may not be fond of, such as making your bed, cleaning up after yourself, waking up early, going to group, talking in group, and sharing your feelings. Some people may seem arrogant, self righteous, or just downright stupid. This is normal. Learning to deal with others is an unfortunate part of living a healthy life.

Tell them where you’re at and share what’s actually going on in your life. If you don’t like sharing when it’s your turn, don’t just refuse to talk. At least throw something out there for them to chew on so they can discuss it, check you off their list, and move onto the next person. Refusing to talk is occasionally okay if it’s something you’re really uncomfortable with, but if you do it often, you’re actually attracting more unwanted attention to yourself. In other words, if you’d like to fly under the radar, pay some attention and pretend to be participating.

They may offer advice that’s helpful, even if you don’t plan on staying sober forever. There’s no reason to lie because everyone’s going through similar experiences. If you feel like using, tell them you feel like using. If you plan on relapsing, tell them you plan on relapsing. If you’re miserable and hate being there, get it off your chest. They shouldn’t hate on you for being honest. It’s okay to unload a bit.

Take all advice given as a suggestion. You don’t have to do it. No one’s going to force you to go to group or AA meetings. Your insurance might cut you and you might unsuccessfully complete the program, but no one can physically make you do anything, other than throw you in jail if the court’s hanging over your shoulders. Just show up. If you don’t like the advice, ignore it or can it for later. It’s your choice.

Don’t exaggerate your life or make up stories to seem impressive or cool to your peers. If you do this, most of them will see right through it and think less of you for it. Addicts have been manipulating and lying to people their entire lives, so they know when somebody’s bullshitting them. There’s no need to talk about how much money you made, how many shots of vodka you can drink, or how many hookers you banged at that party in Amsterdam. You’ll just appear like an arrogant prick. Don’t do these things. Instead, just be yourself. If you don’t like yourself, you can use this time to figure out why. You may find that people actually like the real you.

I’d strongly advise against getting into a close relationship with anyone. This includes dating or even close friendships. While it’s okay to make friends, you need to give other people the chance to work on their own recovery and get better, even if you don’t want to yourself. That means stepping back sometimes and giving people space. The last thing you want to do is drag someone down with you. I’ve seen this lead directly to overdoses and deaths. You shouldn’t be responsible for someone else relapsing or dying. If you learn to maintain healthy boundaries, you’re really doing yourself and others a favor. If you might have codependency issues, talk to a therapist. 

There’s no need to be hostile or rude to your therapists. Remember, they’re just doing their job, which is to help you get clean and live a better, healthier life. At least hear them out. They may have some good stuff to tell you. You have nothing better to do while you’re there, anyway. Why not work on yourself a little? They might help address some underlying issues you have and figure out why you use. If you treat your issues and start fixing your brain, you may eventually find you don’t need or want to use drugs anymore. If you really hate your therapist, ask for a different one.

Don’t be a bully. Don’t get involved in senseless drama. The last thing you want is to get on the wrong person’s nerves and have them go bat shit crazy on you. You never know where other people’s heads are at. I’ve seen people get into physical fights over girls or arguments with staff and they don’t just get kicked out, they leave in handcuffs. Try to keep a low profile and if you have a problem with someone, do your best to stay out of each other’s way. If you have serious aggression issues, talk to your therapist.

Frustration or Anger

It’s normal to be angry when you first go into rehab. You don’t want to be there; you have all these problems piling up at home, your relationships may be in turmoil, and you’re stuck sober in a new place with a bunch of people you don’t know. You might also feel incredibly bored because you’re sober and everything’s more fun when you’re high or drunk.

The good news is it’s all temporary and the drugs will still be an option when you get out. Keep this in mind if it gets you through the day.

If you get really upset, here are a few tips.

• Remove yourself from the situation. I’m not saying leave rehab, but get up and leave the room if you have to. Stand up and breathe. Take a short walk around the building.
  • I’d be pretty firm on this one. Don’t ever let them make you feel trapped. If you need space, take it. They want your insurance money, and they’ll want you to come back. I once went to a rehab that armed their doors with loud alarms. The staff weren’t particularly happy, but I walked right through all of them on several occasions. My argument was if they wanted me to stop setting off alarms, they should stop arming all their doors.
  • Stay within the grounds of the rehab, but if you need space, take it. Just don’t impede on the space of other groups (like if they separate men and women, for example, don’t be violating others’ privacy).
• Read a book, draw, or watch some TV if that’s an option. Distract yourself from the anger.
• Exercise. Hop on the treadmill or shoot some hoops if that’s an option. It may be hard to find the motivation to get started, but once you finish, you’ll feel a lot better.
• Talk to a therapist individually and analyze why you’re upset. Maybe there’s something they can do to help or improve your situation. They’re there to help advocate for you.
• Talk to a peer. Find another addict in a similar spot and see what they’re going through. Try not to engage in too much of a bitching session, but get whatever it is off your chest.
• Forgive the idiots. There will be lots of people you don’t like in rehab. Be the better person and forgive them for their actions. Ignore them. They’re not your problem. If they are directly interfering with you, tell a staff member.
• Pretend you’re in preschool. Do some deep breathing. Count to ten. Take a time out. Go to the quiet corner.
• Eat something. Snacks are nice.
• Ask to see a psychiatrist. There may be medications to help with your cravings and any underlying mental health issues.
• If you’re spiritual, maybe praying or meditation is worth a shot.

If you’re in rehab for court reasons, do not leave early. They will not give you a successful completion letter and this whole charade will be for nothing.

If you make a mistake, get into a heated argument, or are rude to someone, take some time and then apologize to them. Maybe you were just having a bad day. It goes a long way and people will respect you more for it, as long as you’re not doing it constantly.

Dealing With Doctors

You’ll probably see a doctor some time within your first 24 hours at the rehab. They’ll do a physical exam and likely start you on some detox medications. My advice is to take the medications. They’ll make you feel less miserable as you go through withdrawals. Remember, the doctors are usually pretty high in the rehab chain of command. They spent ten years training for the privilege of dealing with drug addicts. You don’t want to get on their bad side or you’re just going to make things worse for yourself. Ideally, doctors shouldn’t let emotions impede their medical decisions, but remember, they’re still just people, and some people take things personally. They’re the ones in charge of the meds. It’s best to stay on their good side in case you need something and want them to take you seriously.

If you meet with a psychologist during your stay, they may give you a mental health evaluation and diagnose you with several mental health disorders. Take this all with a huge grain of salt. Just because they say you’re a depressed psychopath with borderline personality disorder and impulse control issues doesn’t mean it’s true. You might just exhibit these symptoms as you’re coming off of drugs. Your baseline for normal is all out of whack. Don’t let the diagnosis define you. For a more accurate evaluation, get one several months into your sobriety.

If you suffer from depression, anxiety, or other mental health issues, they may have you see a psychiatrist during your stay. Psychologists do the talking and psychiatrists do the medications. It’s up to you whether you choose to take the medications they recommend, but I would suggest giving it a shot. They won’t make you feel high, but they might make you feel better. You’ve likely been self medicating your problems for years with illicit substances, so if a doctor that’s board certified in addiction psychiatry can help, maybe listen to what they’re saying. It takes some time for many psychiatric medications to kick in, and they really only work if you’re sober, so giving them a shot in rehab is a good place to start.

Aftercare

After rehab, they will probably suggest you move into a recovery/halfway house and attend outpatient programs. If you’re in for court reasons, doing this will look good when you go in front of a judge. If you’re still thinking like an addict, the obvious downside to moving into a recovery house is that you have to stay sober to live there. Some may tolerate one relapse and allow you to stay, but many will kick you out and recommend you go right back to rehab. 

Regardless of what you choose to do after rehab for aftercare, if you do it at all, try to be consciously aware of your actions and don’t drag other people down with you. That’s just selfish and you’re better than that.

Try to wrap your head around the idea of moving into a recovery house. You’ll probably have to share a room with somewhere between one and five other people. If you don’t have a job, you’ll have to get one. They’ll probably make you go to AA meetings. It might suck for a bit.

Many people get stuck in a vicious cycle of going to rehab, going to a recovery house, relapsing, going back to rehab, and repeating until they end up dead, injured, on the streets, or in jail. It’s easier said than done, but I’d advise against doing that. You’re better off staying sober for a while. Hear me out.

If you’re not planning on remaining sober, a recovery house might still be a good option. Think about this logically. You can get a job if you don’t have one, save a little money, work on repairing some relationships, and then, when you’re ready, move out and start using again whilst practicing harm reduction techniques. It’ll only be a few months until you have enough saved to move out. It’s a good starting point.

Hopefully, you’ll be proud of the life you’re building, and your desire to stay sober will increase. Maybe you’ll even make some friends that support your recovery and encourage you to stay sober, rather than dragging you down. If it doesn’t, at least now you have a job, can get your own place, and don’t have to live on the street or in your car. If you’re going to be an addict, at least set yourself up to do it the right way and go on a proper bender.

Final Thoughts

Thanks for reading this far. If you’re more interested in learning about the detox process or what specifically you’ll be doing in rehab, check out the Rehab Survival Guide.

I didn’t entirely lie when I said “I’m not going to try to convince you to quit” at the beginning of this guide. I never said you had to quit. I just want to get you in the door somewhere. Go to rehab and get sober. You have a mental health disorder and need to get the help you deserve. I hate sound like a cliché rehab commercial, but learn to love yourself. Be a better person and stop living life dependent on drugs. They won’t solve your problems in the long term. Get your shit together, please.

If you’re hellbent on using drugs again, learn some harm reduction techniques so you don’t get yourself killed. There may be safer ways to use your drugs. Don’t get others killed either.

I wish you the best of luck and hope you’ll eventually figure it out.

Cheers,

Kevin